Volunteering for Iraq
Dear President Bush,
I understand that recruitment is down and you are having trouble filling up the ranks.
As a former infantryman and a member of the V Corps G5 Office (Civil Affairs/Military Government), I am willing to serve again if you want to call me up.
For the most part, I am in good shape and will be ready to go. I walk the dog 30 minutes every day, but have to admit that my running days are over – bum knees.
I try to do some exercises every day. A few pushup that probably don’t meet Army standards – but it’s the thought that counts. Some partial sit-ups – partial because of my bad back.
Don’t worry about my bad back. I have a homemade support belt that I can wear. If they will just issue me a regulation Army truss (desert camo style), I am sure that I will be right as rain.
Speaking of walking, you should know that I will have to have special orthotics for my boots, otherwise my heel bone spurs will come back. And my feet have been flattening out in the last few years, so falling arches might be a problem.
As for my feet and the rest of the body that is attached to them, every morning I have to put on various and sundry medicinal applications, from a selection of six creams, two ointments, one powder, a solution and a tincture. This, of course, takes some extra time, so I may have a hard time making reveille, but I am sure that the 1st Sergeant will understand.
There is one special accommodation that I would ask for. Because I had melanoma cancer a number of years ago, I have to stay out of the sun and heat. I still have regular skin cancers pop up once in a while. Could you arrange for me to have an assignment in Iraq that is cool and in the shade, preferably air conditioned?
Another thing is that because of the melanoma, I had to have the lymph nodes removed from my left armpit, so I cannot have any shots in my left arm. Would it be all right if I only got the shots that are for the right arm?
Other than these few minor issues, I am in pretty good health. I take a vitamin pill every day, and an allergy pill every other day. There is a bit of a beer gut, but that is manageable. I have to admit to having outgrown all my old Army outfits, so new uniforms will have to be issued.
By the way, since I am now 60 years old, do you think that I can get a Senior Citizens Discount at the movie theaters and restaurants in Baghdad?
As I said, I am ready to go, and will gladly fall in right behind all the volunteers made up of those who voted for you last November.
(c) jcormode attribution-no derivative works 2005
I understand that recruitment is down and you are having trouble filling up the ranks.
As a former infantryman and a member of the V Corps G5 Office (Civil Affairs/Military Government), I am willing to serve again if you want to call me up.
For the most part, I am in good shape and will be ready to go. I walk the dog 30 minutes every day, but have to admit that my running days are over – bum knees.
I try to do some exercises every day. A few pushup that probably don’t meet Army standards – but it’s the thought that counts. Some partial sit-ups – partial because of my bad back.
Don’t worry about my bad back. I have a homemade support belt that I can wear. If they will just issue me a regulation Army truss (desert camo style), I am sure that I will be right as rain.
Speaking of walking, you should know that I will have to have special orthotics for my boots, otherwise my heel bone spurs will come back. And my feet have been flattening out in the last few years, so falling arches might be a problem.
As for my feet and the rest of the body that is attached to them, every morning I have to put on various and sundry medicinal applications, from a selection of six creams, two ointments, one powder, a solution and a tincture. This, of course, takes some extra time, so I may have a hard time making reveille, but I am sure that the 1st Sergeant will understand.
There is one special accommodation that I would ask for. Because I had melanoma cancer a number of years ago, I have to stay out of the sun and heat. I still have regular skin cancers pop up once in a while. Could you arrange for me to have an assignment in Iraq that is cool and in the shade, preferably air conditioned?
Another thing is that because of the melanoma, I had to have the lymph nodes removed from my left armpit, so I cannot have any shots in my left arm. Would it be all right if I only got the shots that are for the right arm?
Other than these few minor issues, I am in pretty good health. I take a vitamin pill every day, and an allergy pill every other day. There is a bit of a beer gut, but that is manageable. I have to admit to having outgrown all my old Army outfits, so new uniforms will have to be issued.
By the way, since I am now 60 years old, do you think that I can get a Senior Citizens Discount at the movie theaters and restaurants in Baghdad?
As I said, I am ready to go, and will gladly fall in right behind all the volunteers made up of those who voted for you last November.
(c) jcormode attribution-no derivative works 2005
posted by Jack Cormode at 4:39 PM
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